


laid bare my chest and said destroy me

by orphan_account



Series: love in your point of view [1]
Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Pining, mentions of Harry/Niall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 19:53:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5883520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam’s always just been - Liam. </p><p>And Zayn’s - </p><p>Well, Zayn is Zayn, which means a whole lot more than just Liam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	laid bare my chest and said destroy me

 Liam’s always just been - _Liam_. 

 

And Zayn’s - 

 

Well, Zayn is Zayn, which means a whole lot more than _just Liam_.

 

So Liam can understand why he doesn’t get longing looks in return, why when Liam touches Zayn he doesn’t feel what Liam does, why Zayn just laughs at Liam instead of understanding what he’s really trying to say and that’s —

 

It’s okay, really. Liam understands, truly.

 

If he were Zayn, he wouldn’t spare himself a second look, and the fact that Zayn _does_ makes Liam so goddamn happy that it’s almost indescribable.

 

And that should be enough, he knows that.

 

He _knows_ that, but sometimes when Zayn buries a giggle into the round of Liam’s shoulder, or tucks himself under Liam’s arm and noses at the scruff littered on Liam’s cheek, he can’t help but want and wish and hope and —

 

It’s all for nothing, because in the next moment, Zayn will be smiling fondly at Niall as he throws his head back and laughs, or pulling Louis in to smack wet kisses along his jawline, or knocking Harry’s hat off his head in his haste to give him a cuddle and Liam’ll plaster a smile on his face.

 

He understands, he really does, but no amount of understanding and reason will ever stop his heart from aching when Zayn leaves him for someone better, more interesting.

 

And at the same time, no amount of proof that he’s only a distraction to Zayn, something to entertain before he’s flitting off again. He’ll always open his arms and think that perhaps — just perhaps — that this time will be different.

 

That maybe Zayn will find it in himself to stay.

 

So yeah, Liam’s well aware he’s a little more than pathetic, pining over a lad that won’t ever look twice at him, but he can’t help it.

 

Some days, the ache in his chest gets so bad that it nearly consumes him and he just wishes that he had never met Zayn. 

 

He wishes that he had taken a different route home from school on that day he missed the bus ‘cause Andy had called him last minute from Wolverhampton, that he’d never rescued Zayn’s X-Men comic from drowning in a puddle, that he hadn’t commented on the issue and how cool Storm’s offensive was a particular section.

 

Those days are the worst, because Zayn has changed his life in so many more ways than just the negative — he’s made him laugh more than anyone else, he’s introduced him to a whole genre of music he wasn’t aware that he loved, he’s listened to him and encouraged him to go after what he truly wants and that kind of thing is irreplaceable. 

 

It’s just that the whole _‘I’m in love with you and you will never feel the same way about me’_ business has taken over their friendship and _Liam_ to a point where he struggles to even look at Zayn without his heart breaking a little more.

 

And he _hates_ himself for it because he and Zayn —

 

They go together like the sun and the moon, perfect opposites, balancing each other out, calming each other down, lifting the other up, and Liam and his stupid feelings will ruin it all if he’s not careful.

 

Because not many people can stand being in a three hundred meter radius of Zayn on one of his moody days, and even fewer will brave talking to him, but Liam is nothing if indulgent of Zayn. He’ll sneak into Zayn’s room and slip an earbud into his ear — it’ll be blasting Kanye or Kendrick Lamar, just the music Zayn needs when he’s feeling angry at the world — then, after a few songs, he’ll intertwine their fingers. When Zayn’s ready, he’ll curl into Liam and whisper all the reasons why he’s holed up in his room, cursing everything in existence. Liam will hold him and they’ll listen quietly and Louis will give him a look that he can’t read when he finally coaxes Zayn out, but Louis is confusing so Liam won’t bother trying to work out what it means.

 

Because when Liam feels the most stupid, Zayn will grin and explain whatever Liam doesn’t get in a calm and easy voice, like it’s no problem that it’s the fifth time in a row he’s had to do it. He’ll snap at Louis to quit his mocking, his tone so vicious that Louis’ll actually oblige. He’ll smooth his fingers over Liam’s knuckles — which doesn’t help for his concentration levels — and say it again.

 

Breaking their bond, tearing it apart over something as silly as unrequited love would be even more pitiful than falling in love with his best friend in the first place.

 

Liam really needs to pull himself together, he thinks, to banish the part of his brain that makes him want to wrap Zayn up in his arms and never let him go. 

 

If he can do that, it won’t matter that Zayn’s affections for him are fleeting because he won’t crave them, and he’ll be able to deal with occasional hugs, be able to face becoming the third wheel in almost every situation. He’ll be able to watch Zayn with someone else without simultaneously wanting to rip the other person’s head off and wanting the ground to swallow him up.

 

That would be nice, a kind of phenomenon that would have Niall — who figured out at Liam’s eighteen birthday and had promptly tackled him into a hug, whispering apologies into his neck that only succeeded in making him feel worse — celebrating like a madman. It would have Harry — whom had been told by Niall because Niall couldn’t keep anything from him to save his life — smiling and dragging him in for a hug. Even Louis — who was such a smart-arse that he probably knew — might even congratulate him in his own way.

 

It would be a celebration that Liam would enjoy, he’s sure.

 

He just really needs to see that Zayn will never love him, no matter how much he wishes it so. He needs to move on.

 

Because Liam’s just Liam, and _just Liam_ doesn’t deserve Zayn.

 

(no matter how much he wishes he did)

 


End file.
